Thursday, April 05, 2012

Tyler Perry Presents:Summer of Speed 2012

After a long deliberative process, I finally decided on my title for this Spring/Summer’s season of training! As you may recall, I like to title my summer training with a unique, wholly original themed title to focus my posts and guide my training. There was great debate in F.M.S. headquarters this year but, in the end, creativity and alliteration won out.

Introducing (drum roll, please)…the Summer of Speed 2012!

That’s right, that’s my title for this year. Long time readers will no doubt feel shafted. You’ve seen this tired old theme before – specifically during Summer of Speed and Summer of Speed II. But if you are still reading this after all the insults I’ve thrown your way over the years, I feel like you are pretty much going to keep reading anyhow and your feelings no longer matter. Yes, drink the sweet, sweet recycled theme. Also, your outfit is ill fitting and what did you do to your hair?

Before I get to my ALL IMPORTANT GOALS for SoS12, a few things to note about the title: First, look (!), alliteration NOT involving a day of the week! That’s right neither ‘Summer’ nor ‘Speed’ are days of the week yet still share a common first letter! Neat trick, huh? I like to think it’s these kinds of touches that differentiate this blog from all of the others.

Second, while you may think “how lame of Nitmos to keep reusing his old blog themes. How lazy is this guy?”, I’d like to point out that (A) I’m pretty lazy* and (B) I consider this an homage to 2008 rather than a rehash of originally unfunny content. When it is an “homage”, it makes the original seem like a “classic” and the repeat seem like a reverential bow. All classy.

Third, this SoS is sponsored! I mean not “officially” but close enough. I figure Tyler Perry sponsors everything else so he might as well sponsor this right? I think he needs to branch out from horrible TBS sitcoms, with very generous laugh tracks, anyhow. If he sues, then I’ll sue right back. I’ve seen Meet the Browns. I'm safe.

Goals? Goals! There are some….ALL IMPORTANT GOALS:

· Beat 1:26:37 in the Half Marathon. Set a PR.
· Beat 5:20 in the One Mile Time Trial summer non-invitational race series.
· Not blow out my knee in the trail Dances with Dirt race. Be van sweaty with other men.**
· Continue my streak of summer nights where I utter the phrase “please leave Daddy alone in the dark with his bottle.”

I’d like to set a 5k and 10k PR but that fact is that I may spend more of my time this year trying to get faster at longer distances rather than faster at shorter distances. That’s the long and short of it. But, if I enter a 5k or 10k, then I would instantly be trying to PR those races. That’s how we roll here…hellbound for crushing failure…set up for success like a condemned man on scaffolding.

I look forward to a lot of miles this summer. I expect to be mainly dehydrated most days with mild to moderate kidney damage come September. But I’m rich in kidneys: I have TWO fully functioning ones! One can be sacrificed for 10 seconds off the ole half marathon time. That’s why Oprah gave us two!

That should take me right into Fall. I’m still working out my sponsorship for Fall training. I’ve been told flat out that I don’t have enough emo vampires and lame Nicholas Sparks love story plots on my training plan so the Twilight movies will not be participating. I don’t want to jinx it but we might be looking at “Fall Farness: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire”. Details coming soon.

Until then, enjoy your own Summer of Speed (or, your own wholly original title). You may announce it during your Monday Mash-Up, Tuesday Tidbits, Wednesday Words, Thursday Thoughts or Friday Feetures*** post. If you want, Tyler Perry will even sponsor it. I assume.

I’m poised on the scaffolding with my safety loop around my neck ready to burst through the door with an emphatic KER-THUNK. Let’s get this speed party started! Someone pull the lever.

Happy trails.

*I’m going to update the look of this blog soon.
**Also known as “typical Friday night”.
***I have dibs on this name. Keep your hands off.

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Happy Easter F.M.S. Originals and Newbies! Enjoy your Easter Bunny Hop Run or Bunny Race or Hoppy Run or Run for the Rabbit or whatever else your hometown is doing Sunday.

14 comments:

The Sean said...

Instant Classic, I'll be looking on an ESPN channel for a replay of this post tonight.

B.o.B. said...

Listen mister, my hair has been fab-u-lous since I came out of the womb.

And also, Tyler Perry? Really? You are not setting yourself up for success with this production. While he is big in numbers he is low in actual watchability. But, you have your bottle, so I guess it'll do.

Viper said...

I've always thought Tyler Perry was the Antichrist ... or least the modern-day Faust. It surprises me not that you'd be in with his league. Cheers!

Laura said...

I'm okay with you reusing the theme, but can you post brand new tips for getting faster? I made a public goal to break my marathon PR this year and haven't a clue as to how I'm going to do that.

Jamoosh said...

Tyler Perry selling out again...

Word Verification = ulablite vireent

I can only assume you still care about such things.

Sun Runner said...

Good luck with SoS2012. I will be doing the Summer of Simply Running, which is better than what happened in 2011, which was The Summer of No Running At All.

There's nothing wrong with being lazy. I think we runners have the luxury of being lazy in all aspects of our non-running life since we work so hard at running.

Spike and I once had a laze-off. He won because he claimed he watched an infomercial for 30 minutes because the remote was not within arm's reach and he was too lazy to move the three feet in order to reach it. I was like, "I can't top that, man."

Elizabeth said...

I like it! Not as original as my D2E (and I didn't have to stoop to use of alliteration), but I like the double entendre of your acronym, SoS. I have no doubt SoS 2012 program will be successful and you will accomplish your speed goals. And I FULLY support you giving your blog a bit of a facelift...it's time, brother.

Running Through Phoenix said...

Are you playing your theme selection safe by not mentioning NY?? Nitmos, you can't possibly jinx this. Keep working NY into our faces with abandon. My father in law is still trying to finagle my entry which almost always means RTP running in a chicken costume.

Trent (Scott) Lorcher said...

Do you have any theme music for your SOS? I've noticed that the key to setting prs is to run faster than you did the previous time you set a pr.

Glad I could help.

Spike said...

I'm interested in seeing how you set a 1 mile PR while trying to run faster at longer distances, but you don't think a 10K PR is in the books. You are why the US is only 25 in world math/science scores.

Rachel said...

Wait.. so if it's Nitmos presented by Tyler Perry, does that mean you're going to be running while wearing a dress?

Drea said...

I like this summer of speed. you know if i could run a freaking PR one of these days....track hack doesn't taste as good when you are slower!

Vava said...

You are the Bubba Watson of the recreational running world. Going for the pin every time. Aggressive, and (I'm assuming) weepy. Pictures of hugs post-race with Mom better be part of the blog upgrade...

Jill said...

Since I know you're a huge fan of online coaches, here's my one bit of advice for you: To PR, run faster.

That's be $400 please.